Photo: Kevin Burkett, used via CC-BY-SA 2.0

Although we’ve come
To the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural

You’d think the guys would be happy to rid themselves of the obligation of having to pick games, now that the Quick Picks title is settled and the Eagles’ season has no purpose remaining but to play spoiler. And yet, they can’t let go.

One last time, here’s what may or may not unfold on Sunday night when the Eagles host, likely for the only time in history, the Washington Football Team.

John, Who Is Not The Champion (4-7-4): If Football Team had a stable quarterback situation, I would expect its game against Practice Squad to be more of a bloodbath. When it comes down to it, Philadelphia is hoping for a top draft pick and Washington is going for the playoffs. Philly playing spoiler might save some jobs, but it would be a worst case scenario for the team’s future plans. 

The Eagles are so ravaged on the offensive line that Jalen Hurts will be scrambling for his life. Washington’s defense is a fearsome bunch and Chase Young will feast on Sunday. The real action starts after the game. The futures of Doug Pederson, Dave Fipp, Jim Schwartz, Carson Wentz, and Howie Roseman are all in question after the game. Football Team 28, Eagles 11.

Offensive Standout: Terry McLaurin

Defensive Standout: Jonathan Bostic

Joe, Who Is, In Fact, The Champion (6-5-4): If you ever wondered which one of us posted the Quick Picks article each week, you now have your answer.

This is a column called “Quick Picks” and yet each week I drone on for multiple paragraphs before giving you a prediction that is either pretty darn close to the final result, or not even in the same area code, with virtually no middle ground. Last week, I made three predictions: a couple of Jalen Hurts fumbles (check), a Panthers victory in Washington (check)…and an Eagles win in Dallas (that box went decidedly unchecked). See what I mean?

This week, it’s simple: if the Eagles win, they can end the Football Team’s season. Pretty solid motivation if you ask me! It would also harm their own draft position, which means that a win would actively hinder the franchise’s pending rebuild. Shooting themselves in the foot is the one thing this Eagles team excels at, unfortunately.

According to ESPN’s NFL standings, the Eagles went 1-9-1 in day games this season. That one win, however, came at home against New Orleans, in a game that started after the sun had already dipped below the roof of Lincoln Financial Field and was played entirely under the lights. That means that the Eagles, an East Coast team that plays the majority of its games in the afternoon, did not win a single game with a 1:00 kickoff all season, managing just a tie against the Bengals.

And they won’t get a chance to, as the NFL’s strategy for flexing a meaningful game regardless of expected quality into the prime time slot in Week 17 means the entire football-watching nation quite possibly could see the Washington defensive line chase Jalen Hurts around all night while the Eagles’ secondary that can only be described as “hey you, yeah you, I don’t know your name, but you got #84 on this play” gets carved up by Tyler Heinecke, a guy who 1) couldn’t even see the field for the St. Louis BattleHawks of the XFL, and 2) is actually named “Taylor,” not Tyler, and you had no idea.

So of course the Eagles will finish with a winning record at home and a sparkling 4-1 mark in prime time, despite being shorthanded. Eagles 22, Football Team 20.

Offensive Standout: Boston Scott

Defensive Standout: Alex Singleton