Photo: Bob Goldsmith, used via CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

After last week’s embarrassment in Vegas, the Eagles head to Detroit on Sunday to take on the NFL’s lone remaining winless team. Surely nothing bad will happen this week. Right?

…right?

John claimed victory last week, so he goes first again.

John (2-2-3): Philadelphia Eagles fans who view the trip to Detroit as a springboard to turn the season around are looking at pyrite. The 0-7 Detroit Lions represent fool’s gold.

The Eagles could beat a bad team in the Motor City on Sunday. They should beat an always-rebuilding team in Detroit, but they won’t. You have to give the other guys credit sometimes, too. As a pro team that has been more competitive than the Eagles, this is going to be the most pathetic trap game anyone could conceive of. 

You don’t see the highlighters anymore, do you? You don’t even get the visor. The coach is throwing his defensive coordinator under the bus because the defense isn’t generating turnovers. It’s the kind of move someone does to save his job.

This team is the most rudderless group I’ve seen wearing Midnight or Kelly Green…and there are still two months left in the season. When Fletcher Cox is talking about what he is and isn’t paid to do, it means that the coach has lost the locker room. After Week 1 or 2 I made a throwaway remark on our podcast about how it might be the last time Nick Sirianni is over .500, but even I never saw this coming. 

Hopefully, Motown is no mo’ town with the Eagles coaching staff’s performance. Expect Dan Campbell to get the Lions to play hard and win their first game of the season. Maybe the Eagles can offer Duce a job before they leave town. Lions 28, Eagles 24.

Offensive Standout: D’Andre Swift

Defensive Standout: Charles Harris

Joe (2-2-3): Well jeez, that was bleak.

He’s not wrong, though.

CBS is running commercials for Sunday’s slate of games referring to “scary offenses” and “terrifying defenses,” what with it being Halloween and all. This game, however, is on FOX, and the adjectives aren’t seasonal so much as “pretty accurate.”

The Eagles have given me no reason to think they can win this game. The offense has no identity. The defense has no consistency. The head coach has no clue.

But the Lions have no wins. As much as I want to pick the Eagles to lose this game simply so I can say “I knew it!” and lay all of the blame at the feet of the coach, I long ago made a promise to myself that perennial doormats like the Lions would actually have to win a game before I picked them to do so. That’s not to say it won’t be closer than it should be, but I see Darius Slay making a hashtag #BigPlay to seal it against his old team. Eagles 19, Lions 17.

Offensive Standout: Kenneth Gainwell

Defensive Standout: Darius Slay